There are three styles of notes you can choose to customize your perfect analysis or package. Please note, I do not have a "scoring" system or give scripts a "pass" or "recommend." The notes are geared toward improving the script, not ranking it based on my opinion. Below are the descriptions of each:
DEVELOPMENT: Comprehensive, in-depth developmental notes on all elements of story that apply (structure, character, tone, narrative drive, format, plot, clarity, theme, voice, etc) with suggestions and solutions for improvement. Tends to be 7-10 pages in length. However, if 7-10 pages of notes are not warranted, I will not stretch them out or point out unnecessary things just to meet the page count. This package is great for beginners and those who really want a fine tooth comb taken to their script to get it industry or fellowship ready. Also comes with an annotated script that has been proofread for grammar, spelling, formatting, and general/specific suggestions. This is the Mariana Trench of in-depth notes!
BASIC: A 2-4 page summary or overview of the strengths and weaknesses of the submission in regards to story, character, plot, structure, tone, voice, narrative drive, etc. Not as comprehensive as "Developmental Notes," with less emphasis on "teaching" industry standards and structure. Does not come with a "copy-edited" or annotated version of the submission. Proofreading for spelling/grammar is not the focus here. This is geared more toward an intermediate writer who has a story issue they just can't crack or who wants an extra set of eyes on their work before submitting to fellowships, competitions, and agents.
GRAMMAR: This option ONLY focuses on grammar, spelling, and formatting, and comes with an annotated copy of the script with corrections. No story notes come with this option, it is for proofreading only.
*I never judge on subject matter and keep my personal bias in check at all times. I might comment about current market trends if it is pertinent or helpful. My note giving style is tough but fair and I believe in pointing out what is working in a script, not just what isn't. I’m a firm believer in having a strong first 10-15 pages as well, and emphasize telling a complete and cohesive story that properly sets up a television series (if applicable).
Below is an excerpt from actual notes I have given:
"The writer has a clear vision with this script and a story that feels mostly original or fresh. The writer has also taken on the monumental task of not only juggling different timelines within this script but multiple timelines in multiple universes. There are a good number of characters and the story is never overwhelmed with too many new characters being introduced at the same time. Each character feels authentic and their relationships with each other feel real, especially Dot and Henry, and Jennifer and Mike. The writer has also left the door open for this to be more of an ensemble cast as no one character has more focused screen time than any of the others.
What needs development?
The writing style is very choppy, especially at the beginning, which actually hinders the storytelling. Being efficient and trying to stick to the white of the page is a great instinct when it comes to writing a script but this script could be greatly improved with a bit more in the description rather than less. When the writing is fragmented like it is in this script, the story is also fragmented and confusing. When dealing with a subject matter like time travel AND alternate universes, the writing has to be absolutely clear. The characters are going to be jumping around in time and space so the audience needs to know exactly where and when they are. They also need to know what is happening on screen, which is murky at points in this script because the writing is so clipped. Try to expand some of the descriptions for clarity. This script is actually too short right now so the expansion isn’t going to harm the page count. While it may be clear what is happening in the writer’s head, it’s not yet clear on the page.
The structure needs a second look. While the ending is a good cliffhanger, it does not provide the audience with a complete pilot story yet. With the way this script ends, one can only assume that the rest of the season is going to be about getting the crew back to the space station. But this trip to see the dinosaurs seems to only be there to prove to Henry and Dot that the others are in fact time-travelers. The series-long goal is stated that they have to basically fix the original world but unless the whole first season is going to be spent with them trying to get back from prehistoric times then it can’t end that way. There needs to be more clarity throughout this script as to what the story and series is actually about. Too much time is spent in the beginning setting everything up. Consider getting Jennifer, Mike, and the crew onto the space station much sooner and develop the story from there. Half the script is spent setting up things that the audience is never going to see again, which is generally a waste of page space. The opening sort of teaser with Hitler is fun and entertaining but ultimately leads to more confusion since it doesn’t really relate to the story that is trying to be told after that. If this had more of a traditional four or five act structure that might work as a teaser but since there is so much information that needs to be established it might be worth cutting so the actual pilot story at hand can be gotten to. That, or perhaps make things a little bit less complicated and contrived. Juggling different timelines while also juggling multiple universes and their respective timelines is a tall order. Can it be simplified or streamlined?
Be mindful of what information is included throughout this script that cannot be filmed. There are a lot of little asides or parts of description that only serve to be helpful to the reader and cannot be seen by an audience. Keep in mind that this is a visual format and that the script is the blueprint for the show. How can an audience physically see “an unseen time wave”? A reader might understand what is happening but the audience won’t. Comb through the script and cut down on the unnecessary asides or parentheticals and make the important ones moments of scene."
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